The Top Signs You Have a Bad Uber Driver

An Uber driver in San Francisco drove his car onto steps because he said his GPS told him to.  That’s not good.  Here are The Top Signs You Have a Bad Uber Driver.

She needs YOUR breath to start HER ignition.

Every time she hears a siren she steps on the gas and says, “Don’t worry, I can outrun him.”

That baby shoe hanging over his rearview mirror also has a foot.

Instead of a GPS, he has a 1975 road atlas.

She has one hand on the steering wheel and the other on a fidget spinner.

When cops pull up behind him, he asks you to hold his bloody machete.

Her seeing-eye dog is in the front seat.

His air freshener scent is “Stale Cigarette Smoke and Wet Boots.”

He only creepily hits on you once, twice tops.

Three other people are in the car and you DIDN’T call an Uber pool.

She credits her punctuality to not stopping to use the bathroom because she’s always wearing Depends.

He’s not wearing a seatbelt.  Or pants.

He’s holding a bottle of booze.  And won’t share.

He pulls up in a Ford Econoline van with missing floorboards.

Sixty seconds after he drops you off, he tries to friend you on Facebook.

Every time he mows down a pedestrian, he shouts “Bingo!” and checks a box on a score sheet.

His band has no dates lined up.